Frankly Mr Lampard

A week or two ago when I was royally pissed off with the never ending Frank Lampard to Chelsea saga and the associated effect on Derby, I re-drafted the lyrics to the Smiths classic Frankly Mr Shankly as a parody of the situation.

Unfortunately when I posted this to twitter, I neglected to think that most twitter users weren’t born when this song was released, let alone have any idea about the lyrics, so i didn’t explicitly say it was a parody. Cue people of a certain age telling me how ace it was and a very loud youthful majority thinking I was weirdo who had written a poem about Frank using strange flowery words and absolutely caning me for it!  Lesson learned there for sure, but anyway I thought i’d post it here as a permanent record.

 

“Frankly, Mr. Lampard, this position You’ve held
It made me feel great, now it corrodes my soul
You want to leave, you will not miss me
You could have gone down in DCFC history

Frankly, Mr. Lampard, I’m a sickening wreck
I’ve got the 2019 season breathing down my neck
You must move fast, you understand me
I want to file you in Derby history, Mr. Lampard

IMPORTANT – This man wrote 85% of this not me!

Fame, fame, fatal fame
It can play hideous tricks on the brain
But still I’d rather you be Derby
Than Chelsea with Jody
Any day, any day, any day 

But sometimes I feel more fulfilled
When Derby County aren’t making me mentally ill
I want to live and I want to love
I wish one day we could avoid the fucking play offs

Frankly, Mr. Lampard, this position you’ve held
It bought me great joy and it lifted my soul
Oh, but I didn’t realise that you were not ready
You should have played Jack Marriott at Wembley, Mr. Lampard

Frankly, Mr. Lampard, since you ask
You’re now a flatulent pain in the ass
I do not mean to be so rude
Still, I must speak frankly, Mr. Lampard 

Oh, please fuck off to Chelsea”