14th – The Hipster Coach
Today it’s time to meet another guy you probably already know. You see him on TV, you see his quotes on twitter and you probably can find his inspirational videos on YouTube.
It’s a guy I’m growing to dislike more and more every weekend. It’s the Hipster Coach!
First Press Conference after Hipster Coach see’s his new team beaten 4-0 at home by Boro.
“Yes it was tough to take for sure. We didn’t manage the second phase well enough and simply didn’t hold our shape to read Boro’s transitions. We need to do better and be braver with and without the ball. As a group, we have to recognise who we are and what we stand for, remember our principals and earn the right to impose our style of play on the opposition. We need players who can express themselves but respect that they are part of a greater whole. It will take time for us, as a staff, to translate our ideas and philosophy to the group and change the mentality, but if we can do that and bring the fans and the community with us, we can achieve great things here. I am very positive about the challenge ahead.”
One Month later – Hipster Coach loses 3-0 at Wigan
“No I’m not worried by that result at all. The Lads were magnificent today and if we carry on playing like that we will win more than we lose take it from me. Let me tell you something, 76% possession away from home, 24 crosses into their box, 756 completed passes, the group have executed our plan to perfection, I can’t ask anymore of the lads. I have to congratulate Wigan and their staff who combatted the intensity of our high press very effectively. You don’t always get what you deserve in this game, but this is Football. It can be a harsh mistress, but we will learn from this and the boys will get stronger and days like today will improve them as footballers and as men. We will sit tomorrow and watch the video, we will do our regular Monday 1-2-1 self analysis sessions and we will continue to grow. This is a project and we are trying to build something. Days like today only serve to strengthen the togetherness of the group”
“Hipster, you’re team didn’t have a single shot on target?” – “Ok that’s enough for today, thank you all”
One Month later – Hipster Coach loses 4-1 at home to Gary Rowett’s Stoke, despite enjoying 91% possession.
“For me today the officials were a joke. How he’s let them take that quick free kick for the second and missed the off the ball block on the 4th I don’t know. Absolute fucking idiots. How Stoke can play like that every week is beyond me too, its pre historic football played by neanderthal players. I hope Rowett is pleased with himself. As for my players, they are either just thick or lazy or both. They all get 7 powerpoints per week and 5 emails a day with what they need to do, so why the fuck don’t they do it?. It’s time to sell them all and get players who can follow simple instructions. Jesus we do 4 sessions a day on this shit, am I speaking fucking Chinese? “Hipster, the fans were booing you today and chanting “you don’t know what you’re doing. Do you have a message for them?” “ Yes, fuck off”.