7th – The Preacher Man

Remember in the days before the Premier League, when football was brilliant? Before Sky ruined everything with their money and weird kick off times? When all your players were born within 10 miles of the stadium?

Well if you don’t, here’s a man who does. Meet The Preacher Man, he’s searching for the soul of the game.

“I hate these bloody soulless stadiums in the middle of nowhere with all their so called ‘leisure facilities’ and car parks. I remember when you walked through cobbled streets and alleyways to the ground. Yes you trod in dog shit most weeks and at away games one false turn and you would be knifed or kicked shitless, but you knew where you were and it was real.

In the ground now all these burgers and shit, it’s not fucking Yankee Stadium. I remember pints of beer that were so flat and warm, they literally tasted like piss. Pies that had been in the oven that long you nearly broke your teeth on the outer casing (best of luck finding any meat) and Soup that burnt your mouth and tasted of nothing because all the mix was stuck like glue to the bottom of your cup. Brilliant times.

Don’t even start me on all seater stadiums. What was wrong with standing in ludicrously overcrowded terracing, getting trampled on by bigger lads, breaking your ribs on a crush barrier, not being able to see any of the game because of the 10 foot wire fence, opposition fans throwing coins, darts, piss, spitting on you from above. All part of growing up.

The players nowadays do me in too. They don’t know they are born with these pitches with their interwoven artificial turf and undersoil heating. Jesus you were lucky if you saw any grass some weeks, but that’s what you want, sorts the proper players from the nambie pambies. Stop moaning, get stuck in and get the fucker in the mixer. ‘ooh the pitch is a bit frozen…’, fuck off!

And another thing, oh hang on, my phones ringing, Yes? Preach here. Corporate for United Saturday? 3 course lunch? Free Fizz in the box all afternoon? Parking for the 4×4? Mega, count me in.”

Swamp soccer championships

Seth Arkwright claims the matchball after bagging a hat trick for Bradhuddersfax FC in the 1972 Fray Bentos trophy final. Proper Football.

Posted on December 7, 2018, in Derby County Advent Calendar 2018, General Football and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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