Forest’s Dirty Dozen

The summer saw Forest yet again throw money around to assemble their latest crop of mercenaries and hired guns. Going against all theories of good financial management in football, the Red Dogs have managed to find a group who are almost all on a downward trajectory in their career and on premium wages with little resale value. Up to half the team at any one time are borrowed. The policy left them in financial tatters last year but instead of learning, they’ve just found some other mugs to bankroll it.

Here’s our introduction to this summers Dirty Dozen of new signings.

Adlene Guedioura

Signed for Wolves initially on loan before making it permanent and becoming rubbish, not even getting a game in an awful Premier League team. Joined Forest on loan, played well enough to clinch a permanent but was benched for the last outing. A mate tells me Wolves fans were amazed at the seven figure fee paid.

Dan Harding

A signing who embodies Forests policy. A player nearing 29 who has done the Championship rounds. Saw his stock rise by playing a few matches for Southampton last season and earnt a last pay day on the back of the exploits of better players.

Greg Halford

Often described as a utility player, Halford is a mediocre full back, centre back, right midfielder or striker. Most managers give him a go at each before working him off to another desperate soul. The ultimate Championship journeyman and poor mans Rory Delap (complete with long throw).

Simon Cox

Nigel Clough clearly rates Cox judging by his comments in the press recently. Unfortunately, every West Brom manager in the last three years hasn’t. Before this season, Cox had 10 league goals in 3 years. He may be a late developer but he’ll have to be, he has yet to score regularly outside League One.

Danny Collins

Another journeyman wringing out the last few years of an average career. Has been a peripheral figure wherever he’s been for the last few years but has now landed the Red Dogs captaincy. An apt choice.

Henri Lansbury

The sales pitch says “starred in two promotions in the last two years”. The truth is that neither Norwich or West Ham rated him highly enough to sign him for the Premier League and he started less than a third of games for each. Well on the way to becoming the new Mark Randall.

Daniel Ayala

We know Ayala. Very good on the ball but implicated in many a calamitous defensive performance. Follows the trend of players judged by their club to be not good enough for the Premier League providing a short term sticking plaster for the Dogs.

Jermaine Jenas

“Forest!! That’s just hilarious!”

Oh, you can only imagine the hilarity and merciless footballers banter when AVB told Jenas that he was being sent to Forest. The ultimate humiliation for a player who’s decent career is now quite clearly entering its twilight years. Forest meanwhile are paying £15,000 a week to get someone else’s player fit. Have I said “short-termism” too many times yet?

Sam Hutchinson

Hutchinson came back from football graveyard to sign an 18 month contract at Chelsea after previously retiring. He hopes to emulate the success of John Terry and Ryan Bertrand who also had loan spells at Forest. Eight months into his contract he signed a season-loan loan deal at Forest which should take him neatly to the end of his contract.

Billy Sharp

Like Dan Harding, a player Nigel Adkins doesn’t feel is up to the Premier League. Having lived his Premier League dream for about 10 minutes, Sharp has come to the East Midlands, an area he rejected earlier this year when Leicester were interested and he was poorer. Not got a great record at clubs who average more than 6,000 fans.

Simon Gillett

One of the few players who hasn’t come down the leagues, Gillett was released by League One Doncaster in the summer. After doing the tours on trial, he was thrust straight into the Forest team. In the last match (versus Palace) he kept both Moussi and Guedioura on the bench, which says a lot about why Forest continually bleed money.

James Coppinger

He must have experienced a feeling of déjà vu when he arrived at the City Ground – a bunch of Premier League mercenaries, many on short term contracts. He thought the Doncaster nightmare was behind him but still has visions of Pascal Chimbonda in gold studded pants.


Posted on September 28, 2012, in General Rams Comment and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 32 Comments.

  1. Hahahaha, the bitterness is delicious.

    We could always have signed Connor Sammon and be done with.

  2. you are the most ignorant and the most illiterate sports writer i have ever come across, you have failed to do research into each player properly. You have looked at stats at a glance and you not actually seen any of these players play. Donny never had an average of 6.000, they had an average of nearly 12k, quite a bit from your inaccurate research. Your most likely a bitter, jealous derby/leicester fan that has got nothing better to do with his time than criticise a club that you would love to have the tradition and fanbase of. You are a joke and deserve a good slap. Good day.. and watch your back in Nottingham, you may find a boot coming your way.

    • @ Joe Your comment ‘your (sic) most likely a bitter jealous derby / leicester fan’ has made me chuckle – you’re posting on a blog called ‘ramspace’ which has a pic of Nigel Clough and the words ‘Dedicated to the glories of Derby County’ written across the top of it. Hardly being covert about who he supports is he?!

  3. And you will find Billy Sharp is twice the player of your reject Connor Sammon that could only manage 1 goal in 36 apps for wigan last season. embarassing! Billy Sharp has scored 150 goals in his career at the age of 26. Sammon has managed about 35 at the age of 25, most of those goals which have come in scotland. So try looking at your pathetic squad than snooping at ours.


    If you’re going to write a piece of journalism, at least make it plausible. You’ve just shown yourself as a biased, narrow-minded Derby Fan with no real knowledge of what you’re talking about. 1/10 – at least you can use a computer!

  5. When the dirty dozen above that you slate knock 5 past you again, what will it say about your lot as they drive back down the A5-2 and will be able to peer out of the team bus watching you eat humble pie as you wipe away the tears.

    • A warm welcome to all our new readers! There seems to be some confusion here, this isn’t sports journalism or sports writing. Its a partisan Derby County site. If you don’t like it, nobody is twisting your arm to read it.

  6. Great piece which, on the back of the game this Sunday, is obviously deliberately a bit provocative. However the general point that if Forest go up this season, well done, if they don’t its a new wave of horrendous contracts for average players is spot on.

  7. Probably just Cox to be fair, although I admittedly can’t recall seeing Lansbury play. We have better or equivalent players who are a lot younger than all the others.

  8. Journalism? What on earth are you talking about? This is a fanzine written by a Derby fan for Derby fans… Although that isn’t to say that it isnt respected by other, less moronic fans. And Joe those threats of violence are so wildly immature and stupid I am genuinely shocked you can use a computer.

    Roll on Sunday!

  9. So let me understand this, Billy Sharp, the player with one of the best goal to game ratio’s in the championship would not get into Derby’s team?

    Are you for real?

  10. Amusing read from a Rams fans point of view. While there may be a valid argument that assumptions have been made on stats, it is also worth noting that we have seen these players perform for various clubs over the last few years and with the exception of Sharp, I, along with the majority of Rams fans have never left the ground thinking “I’d love Harding/Collins/Halford to sign for us” as well as having first hand experience of seeing Ayala play in Rams debacles from the horrific 2010/11 season. As for us making assumptions, have you have seen Connor Salmon play? His former club, Wigan reserves, recently taught your lot a footballing lesson – can’t imagine how much worse it would have been if he had been playing 🙂 As mentioned by ramspaceuk, if you go up, well done, if not I dread to think how you will work these players off to other clubs.
    Ps. while you are here, have a read of other articles on the site – you will see well balanced views of the club and not one through rose tinted glasses.

  11. I’ll ask you a similar question asked of someone else.

    How many of the Forest team would get into Derby’s team?

    • I think the consensus would be that we’d have Cox or Sharp but not both as we like Ward and Sammon. Thanks for the contributions, have a nice weekend (apart from the obvious!) and don’t take it too seriously or next thing you know you’ll be researching the average gates of Doncaster and Scunny!

  12. Probably Cox, as Clough has gone on record stating he rates him. As for Sharp, fantastic scoring record but he doesn’t suit every teams style of play, hence Sheffield United and Southampton working him off. Better suited to a smaller club where he’ll be top dog……………

    • Chris Cohen, Lewis Mcgugan, Andy Reid, Guedioura, Billy Sharp would ALL walk straight into ANY championship team.

      What on earth makes you think they are not good enough for Derby?

      The ignorance of some Derby fans is laughable

      • You keep missing the point. It’s not about if they are good enough to play for Derby, it’s about having a well balanced team and none of them would currently fit in. The best players don’t always make the best team, look no further than Fester. Enjoy the game!

  13. Whats your prediction on score. (Try not to be biased)

    • 2-2 I am a forest fan and we neither of us have the best defences but bothe have decent mid and forwards expect an end to end game

    • As someone else said, I’d happily take 0-0. Despite all the banter, Forest definitely have goals in them so not conceding in the first 5 would be a bonus! I’ll go 1-1, one of us takes the lead, the other eventually equalises, then both teams lock down and take the draw.

  14. Good read. When forest started signing decent Championship players from the Prem I thought they were on the right track to bolster what they already had. When they kept signing them I started to wonder, and when their good start faded into a run without a win I began to hope they’d bodged the summer window. We’ll see on Sunday.

    They must have about 8 senior players in central midfield now, but in my biased way I’d pick Bryson over any of them. If we can get a toe-hold in there we’ll create chances…but that’s no guarantee of results this season so far.

    I hate forest games, they’ve got too “big” when it’s only three points. If you offered me 0-0 and a sleeping pill till Monday morning I’d take it.

  15. I’ve never seen Ramspace busier! Welcome red dogs!

    Sharp or Cox are better finishers than we have in our squad, but we’re not having any problems scoring goals so wouldn’t swap them out for Sammon’s workrate and contribution to the team. Ward has is scoring plenty (more than Forest’s forwards) but I’d be lying if i said i wouldn’t have liked us to sign Sharp though

    Landsbury certainly didn’t look as good as Bryson, Green or even Bailey when he played for West Ham at Pride Park last season. And wouldn’t swap Will Hughes for Reid. One player is on his way up, one on his way down. McGugan has some real quality on the ball, but again would rather have Bryson’s energy in there. I Head Guidiora is class, but can only judge him on his poor showing at Pride Park last season.

    Think Sunday’s match will come down to finishing and feel Rams will dominate possession, but Forest might nick it through an opportunist finish from Cox or Sharp.

    Forest’s long throw tactics could cause our shaky back four problems as well.


    • A decent summary Kenners, though theres a lot I don’t agree with!!!

      Gonna be a lot of goals but I think our strikers, (Any 2 from Blackstock, Cox and Sharp) will expose your defence which has been very leaky this season especially conceding late goals.

      We have also been a bit leaky but our defence is a completely new defence so is understandable.

      I can see history repeating itself 5-2 to the famous team!!!!!!

  16. Paul Coutts and John Brayford should cause you major problems down the left, who is your left back?

  17. If they play down the left, don’t you mean our right back?

  18. It’s Gillett we need to cancel out. He is an engine! Start 4-5-1, but allow Ward the freedom to move into the middle when needed.

  19. I’ve just heard a very credible rumour that Forest are in advanced negotiations with Nottinghamshire Cricket Club to hire/buy the cricket score board as NFFC don’t feel that Forests existing score board will cope with the amount of goals Forest are expected to score on Sunday.

    If negotiations break down then Forest have a back up plan to use Nottingham Rugby Club whose score board might JUST be able to cope.

    If a resolution is not found then Sean O Driscoll has given Forest’s £4m+ strike force of Simon Cox and Billy Sharp specific instructions not to score more than 99 goals in this game or face disciplinary action.

    I hope this very tricky situation is sorted and we keep our goal tally below 100!!

    What do you think sheep?

  20. I think Andy Reid would waddle into other teams rather than walk

  21. You do just have to wonder where all these Forest fans have vanished to after yesterday – the ignorance of the person suggesting the original blog post is written by either a Derby or Leicester fan is one of the funniest things I’ve ever read on Ramspace (or the Baseball Bat Fanzine).
    Surely they can’t all be sitting there on Twitter blaming the referee for costing them the game……..can they??
    Last point, I’d like to turn the question of how many Forest players would get into our team back onto the Dogs – how many of our side from yesterday would they have in their side? I’d be fairly confident that Frankie would be picked over Daddys Boy any day of the week, and that’s just for starters……

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